No turning back

Attachment. Are humans inevitably to feel attached to things? What happens when you do lose something that you thought you would never lose, and you feel nothing? Maybe just relief. Like lightning of a burden, like finally waking up and realising the answer to your problem was always there, was so simply, was just waiting to be seen.

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I have always quite honestly found myself more attached to things and people to an almost unhealthy level.

That coffee mug I HAVE to have my morning cuppa every day

That one pen I carry with me for important work

That one pair of shoes I always have to wear on an important day

That one phone cover I have to use on every road trip

That one pair of socks I only wear when I’m competing

While it takes me a bit to get so attached and almosts superstitious to humans, in attempts to accept things the way they are, have on more than one occasion, reluctantly agreed that there might be some people, god forbid something happened to them I’d be too crushed. Some, I think most people say, ( I sometimes think they say it because of lack of anything else to say) people are lucky to find such constants but are they? I don’t just mean a romantic partner, I mean it could be anyone who effortlessly becomes a part of your daily life, until its time.

No, this not talking about how lucky it is to find people who comfort you, about people who make you feel at home, it is probably about realising that the things you think are good for you are probably the things that are poisoning you the most. You know it, you see it but you can’t bring yourself to quit it. Because if you did, what then? How would you know the world then? What would you do when there is no normalcy? But maybe ask yourself “ Did you not know things to be normal before?”.

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No, this is not even about figuring out a way to cope with losing your favourite pen, not about self-loathing coz this morning you knocked your favourite mug over. I don’t know what it is about. Do you?

What happens when your favourite things and people fade away even before you notice? Is that when you are supposed to feel gutted? Or is it when you realise that you did not even notice they were gone? Or you had moved on?   I’m grateful for all the memories I made, but at some point, there are things that drain you of your energy even without you noticing, it probably has taken away more than what it gave you, leaving you so exhausted that the only thing you are left with is Anger. Anger that you feel raising at yourself because why did you waste your time? Why did you tell them?why did you have to pick a favourite? Couldn’t you just treat it all the same? You know you can use any goddamn pen you find! But even that feeling of anger washes away as quickly as it came, because well, don’t you have other things to do?  I guess it’s true when they say everything is replaceable and the best is always yet to come when you learn to walk away.  Only if everyone knew when to.

Well, I guess it’s just another valuable lesson you learn in your early 20’s. If you looked closely enough, there seems to be some sort of pretence to everything, everyone mimicking, trying, what else could one do? In the history of the world, I don’t  think it’s been said enough that the grass is always and will always be greener on the other side.

There are beautiful beginnings in every end..

Don’t shield yourself from picking favourites and loving them dearly, just know that you are enough to make things work out for yourself. You won’t give up coffee if your favourite mug broke right? You go find another mug which you will eventually come to like just as much. The anger that you feel will soon fade away, you can’t live in a different place even if you chose to, the smartest ones probably are those who accept this and get on with life, in search of new people, new experiences, new memories.

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Then if you thought about it a while longer, is this the downside of technology? How different would our lives be if we decided to move away and did not have the various social networking sites that hound us every minute of our daily lives? Then the town you left, the people you outgrew become just a part of your journey, just memories, just like the tooth you lost coz well, you need a new set growing up! They are not this luggage you heave along, how will that make space for new things?

Did you expect to find some sort of solution/conclusion by the end? same.

I only hope all of us find the courage to stay on their new paths a lil longer and not find ourselves weak and wanting to go back to comfort.

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I need a new mug and a new pair of lucky socks!! I’ll probably win this race too because I’ve worked hard on it. Who knows? You do. For yourself. Replace or remove the things that drain you the slightest bit, you’ll have only yourself to thank!

 

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