The week’s been quite reflective. It seems to me, that every 20 something year old goes through a phase where they realise that there was always so much beauty in you, in me and in everything and for whatever reason we believe the lies that are fed to us, until one day you look at an old photograph and wonder why you did not believe in yourself enough.
No, I’m not going to go off on a rant about self-love and self-appreciation, trying to convince you and me that you are beautiful, you always have been, it’s just been a week for me where invariably come to ask myself why I haven’t believed enough in myself, looking back, I only remember being really hard on myself, while I could have just relaxed and enjoyed every moment of being there. I know there is nothing I can do about it, nor do I want to dwell on it, just moving forward not be too hard on myself and appreciate everything about me. And I also wish everyone sees how amazing they are and learn to believe more in themselves.
Another idea I have been wondering for the longest time is the quiet often made statement that if one did the same activity consciously for 21 days, then it becomes a habit. Now I strongly believe that we humans are creatures of habit, but is it that simple to quit and un-quit? ( that is not even a word I know) I just feel exceptionally lazy to make any effort and before I completely fall off the wagon I want to get back up one way or another.
Starting 23rd March, for 21 days am gonna set 5 habits that I want to quit completely or adopt, these mostly are things that have been on my mind for a long time but I always slipped away making one excuse or another, and maybe like all fellow humans picked being comfortable rather than demolishing my goals.
This probably will keep me accountable and for weeks now I have been craving change.
I finally feel like I found something that is challenging enough, a job that is a struggle everyday and leaves little energy to think about anything that does not help me grow. AGAIN, this human heart did not stay satisfied for long. After longing for this exact productive, learning job, instead of sitting down and taking it easy, am already looking at what other sections of my life need changing. Apparently impulsively chopping off your hair will not satisfy that need but just remind of how very stupid you behave in haste and you will always remember to make hair cuts “well planned out -only if completely needed- events.”
Maybe this need for a change is just my brain screaming for rest, or MAYBE I need to accept that I am a terribly restless person, and there is very little that can tie me down for long. I want to keep it moving, falling, crawling, learning, just keep going, anything but get stuck in a rut. I love routine, but not the kind that makes you feel like you are stuck in a rut.
Do you believe that routine does not have to mean rut? And there is nothing unstable about wanting to keep moving, growing or constantly seeking change?
There is a weird sense of calm no words can describe, a calm that each has to find for themselves, a calm that makes you want to appreciate the chaos and the calm that gives you the courage to accept what was and go on to discover what more could be.
We fear change, we crave change and most times we don’t realise when it occurs.
For those times when you wake up yearning for something different, when you start wondering that there could be more that you are capable of doing, more you are deserving of, when you realise that chopping off your hair and dyeing it a different shade is not enough ( I miss how such trivial things were so exciting and used to be perceived as life-changing LOL ) I hope you find the energy to go after what you want.
Here is your mid-weekly reminder to follow your heart with conviction